So I got a letter from my grandmother the other day. I was going to type it up on here and let you all have a good laugh, but the truth is, it really hurt my feelings. Nothing in the letter was mean, per se, but...
Let me give you a tiny bit of background about my family: we are dysfunctional. I think a research psychology would find her wet dream if she started studying my family.
That being said, I hadn't seen my grandmother from the time I was 5 or 6 years old until two springs ago when I was 19. That was only for a few days because my mother was staying with her (this was also the last time I saw my mother other than at my sister's wedding a year ago).
I don't make much of an effort to stay connected with my extended family members mainly because we've never been close in any way and my immediate family already stresses me out so much that I really can't handle more. I've always been a loner who was bad with relationships, and my familial relationships are no different.
I think it's really balls-y and rude to send me a letter at a time when I'm so stressed out with phrases in it like, "I didn't know about it until last night when I talked about it with Aunt C. I would of liked to have been invited + be there for you."
Really? You wanted to drive from Erie, PA to the middle of VA to be at my two hour long graduation ceremony and then pack up and leave again? You weren't a part of my life! You're my grandma, and I care for your well being and I will be sad when you leave this earth, but if you cared so much about me, you would have been in my life and would not send me passive aggressive letters.
I always wished I could have the kind of relationship with my family that other people have. One of my best friends was able to lean on her mom for support when her boyfriend and semi-fiance showed his true colors and she had to extract herself from his controlling grip. Other people I know call their family up all the time to tell them about their day or discuss their general thoughts. My family is not like that.
Someday, though, I will create that family for myself. I will not have a family where communication is stunted and hateful. I will not teach my children to fear and evade me. I will have an open relationship with my children and spouse. We will not be perfect, no one is, but we will love each other and be able to express it and lean on one another in times of need.
P.S. Thanks for the tip "A lot of educators are being laid-off, presently. Maybe a government job would be a thought."
P.P.S. Tomorrow I will write a blog about the good things happening in my life and it will be cute and maybe a little funny in a few parts. Promise :-D
Vent post OVER AND OUT!
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